i certainly know my suspicion is somehow unreasonable. i try to avoid. but always hard. and i lose control. i got a feeling that... it should be colder than coldness n sader than sadness. but i dun call it hopelessness. i think it's not something hopeless. it's a little bit helpless anyway.

well it's none of the business of the following pic which is something really chillout.

and i... im still listenning to stereophonics' music. to me, kelly's voice is the holy bible for ear. maybe ppl like to use the phrase that 'chocolate for ear'. but i... i believe his voice. just like YOUR voice.

i went to yyt today. painted in the rain on the wall outside white valley with zoe. wore a plastic bag-made raincoat. it was funny. n sophia wore the shoes i painted for her. a dj party would be held this nite. i decided to go at 8 as usual. but...

so it came the first paragraph.

well i know, i know that im so fucking childish. so i just try to get myself under control.

so... strengthen your mind, little tomboyish gal. find your mind back n strengthen it. bad ass.

才发现秋天是不麻雀特别多，特别闹心，更特别恶心。我觉得好多东西都恶心，包括有羽毛的东西，还有半融不融的芝士。但是我也会吃咖喱鸡块和一片一片的芝士。

最近听特别多的Stereophonics, Placebo, NIN. 不否认，对Stereophonics却不是单纯的喜欢听，我想要反复体会当时它给我的感觉。最近没有什么好歌。即使不少超级大腕们纷纷若干年磨一剑地复出。依然看不进电影，这让我很庆幸没有落入所谓文艺青年的俗套。整日无非花花草草，提前体验退休以后的生活。

又一阵雨，又一阵降温。落叶初见纷飞。多愁善感的孩儿们，准备好悲秋了么。

im always trying to do my best. but u see what i've got from these efforts.

nobody cares. only 'nobody cares'. so... im just down in spirit. no grumble. no tear. no hatred.

does anyone bring me to mind, now, when i badly need a big warm hug. can anyone listen to my sob. is anyone always standing there with a handkerchief in the hand, whom i can always run to when i am despondent.

but... everyone's laughing. they just cant help laughing at me.

so... where r u when i badly need a big warm hug, when im sobbing, when i wanna run to u. u hide away urself. u ignore, u never care abt. u run far away from me. should i presume upon u who never stay a min longer for me. but... do u understand what u mean to me.

烦恼它像个神经错乱的调皮孩子。

hahahaha, like chunxiao by yuguo

右脚的。

材料：丙烯颜料，调和剂，油漆笔。

只画好了左边的鞋子，右边的上了底色。估计没有耐心画完全对称的了。

someone buried my sadness in the ground like an ordinary seed. and i cant write down a word to describe my deep sorrow. it's more than empty.

i thought that was unbelievable at that time. including that strange blizzard.

and most of the details are still coming into my dreams. they are so breathing. all just like scene of yersterday. i wonder, i wonder... i've got a new wave of my life now again. n i still have got an ache in my head. i dunno how long it will last. will it last forever.

Pulp Fcition上来的第一首歌，听了心情很不错，即使我爸今早一如既往的学着我妈为了洗手台上的一滴水或者垃圾桶壁上的一片纸屑对我大呼小叫恶语攻击直到他出门上班，我听着这首歌隔着房门朝他的方向说了一句什么话。总之没有怎么动怒或者光火，这就是一首好歌的力量。

虽然我对他们的怨恨一直有增无减，偶尔想起童年一些事儿居然也会心头一揪。可是曾经的美好都无法抵消眼前的烦躁。好吧，其实都没什么的，这首歌是Pumpkin和Honey Bunny抢劫餐厅那段里边儿的，这对也挺逗了的。啊，我眼压好大，头好疼啊。

i only need one song. i need to remind myself of that feeling walking along the slient roads, the smell of cup cakes, the dog n ... i got the image of the chain stores, the dvd shop n the highrise bulding now, just in my mind. i tore them, into pieces. they had never existed.

===

n what abt now? the life, the climate, the subway, the part-time job, the holiday, the ppl, the pets, the food n drink, n even, the imagination ... i just feel standing on the top of one of the highrises. jump down, useless. jump up, no way.

and now, i fish out my heart in front of u i wish u understand n u r glassy-eyed then i put my finger in my eye. i put my finger in my eye i smoke. i put my finger in my eye i paint. i put my finger in my eye i sleep.

everyday im just in a fettle of waiting for tomorrow. 'maybe tomorrow'. trent renzor taught every hopeless person one sentence, 'in my nothing, u were everything, to me.' he used the past tense. yea maybe i meant everything to my dad or mom in the past few years. and now, nah... but now, u really mean everything to me, in my empty innermost world. i dunno whether u will understand or not, maybe tomorrow. maybe endless waiting.

干嘛非要弄得自己看似高人一等呢，其实在其他一些人看来就是什么都不是，不懂装懂还尽露马脚。你们的刻意显然是那真情流露颠倒众生的做作。很蠢，很没价值，很背道而驰。

大强给我的，丹麦的Beoplayer. 界面和音质都很牛比。

前所未有的坚忍和坚韧。

B'z - Survive [ 1997 ]

Genre: JRock

Track List:

1. DEEP KISS
2. スイマーよ!!
3. SURVIVE
4. LIAR! LIAR!
5. ハピネス
6. FIREBALL
7. DO ME
8. 泣いて 泣いて 泣きやんだら
9. CAT
10. だったらあげちゃえよ
11. SHOWER
12. CALLIING

Click to download the album [ Namipan ]

这张专辑是高中的时候一位好朋友借给我的。当时就相当喜欢，特别是Survive, ハピネス和Shower. B'z老牌了，绝对实力的象征。是我最喜爱的为数不多（相对欧美）的几个日本乐队之一。

i've been down n i'm wondering why these little black clouds keep walking around with me. it wastes time n i'd rather be high. think i'll walk me outside n buy a rainbow smile. but be free. so maybe tomorrow, i'll find my way home.

i look around at a beautiful life. been the upperside of down been the inside of out. but we breathe. i wanna breeze n an open mind. i wanna swim in the ocean wanna take my time for me. all me. so maybe tomorrow, i'll find my way home.

基本如题吧。感触因人而异，也就是说此时我是这样的感触，换个人也许不那么怎么的。但是换一种情况又会不同。那么最重要得谢谢Eating. 没有你我真不知道怎么办，也许我就一口气蹶过去了，或者临阵脱逃了。真的谢谢。患难见真情。

人有时候免不了会觉得自己没怎么样为什么会很倒霉很无奈很苦闷。比如我明明复习了的怎么还会考那么差，这当然是多年以前我偶尔会想的问题。进入高中后再也没有考虑过这种问题。我知道自己的小聪明基本已经用到尽头了，人懒，自由散漫，从没想过要上课认真听讲好好用功。

Google的banner这几天因为奥运每天都在换，我很久没有换banner了，没有什么新的好的有感觉的照片。

The Servant - How To Destroy A Relationship [ Sep. 26th, 2006 ]

Genre: Brit-pop

Track list:

1. How To Destroy A Relationship
2. Sleep Deprivation
3. Hey Lou Reed
4. Save Me Now
5. Moonbeams
6. Brains
7. Hey Do You Feel Good?
8. ( I Should Be Your ) Girlfriend
9. I Wish I Could Stop Wishing For Things
10. On Your Knees Kid
11. Out Of Phase

也是在一个很无意的情况下得知这个乐队，当时听的氛围不好，人有些浮躁，环境有些闹。第二天再听的时候却发现他们很不一样。很不简单，将更多其它风格融入单纯英伦，更为灵动。

Click to download the album [ Namipan ]

Survive听来还是过去那个味儿。本以为到这年纪再重温，多少也会多些淡定，因为那时什么都还未知，就连唱片的音轨都会磨损，不用说时间会带来感觉的变化。然而它是如此力量强大的一首歌，它就是那个味儿，它给我的还是当时那个感觉。从高一到大三。